(They’re in the food court of a major high street retailer, standing in front of the takeaway sandwich counter trying to pick something to eat on the train out of town. The train leaves in ten minutes, so they’re a little short of time. The one with the dark hair picked something ages ago and is standing back, checking his watch and shaking his head. The short one is still struggling to find anything to buy.)

“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” (says the one with the dark hair)

“Look. Just don’t, alright.”

“I don’t get it, that’s all. There’re about 50 different things here. Can’t you just pick one so we can get going?”

(The short one stops looking for a moment and turns to glare at him)

“Am I going to have to explain this all to you again?” (he sighs)

“No. No, its fine. Don’t mind me. Take your time.”

“Look. Its like this. All I want is a cheese sandwich, right? Just a cheese sandwich. Not this…cheese and pickle, stuff. Not cheese and rocket with mayonnaise and carrot coleslaw or anything. Just a plain, cheese sandwich.”

“Right. Listen…”

“I mean, what’s so wrong with that? What’s difficult about that? When you want a cheese sandwich at home do you add pickle and mustard and peppers and …I don’t know…hummous, or anything? No, of course not. You just add cheese. Easy. So why is it so hard for these places to do the same? Why do they have to complicate everything by adding all these…extra bits? It’s not fancy. It’s just stupid.”

“I know, but…”

“And don’t get me started on those ploughman’s lunch things. I mean, pickle and mayonnaise? That just doesn’t make sense at all. And onions? Would you want to go off ploughing a field after having had pickle and mayonnaise and onions for lunch? No, of course not. You’d feel too sick.”

“Right.”

“You understand?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Good.”

“You ready to go now?”

(The short one sighs heavily, turning back to the fridge full of sandwiches that are always, always just too elaborate and over-embellished for his liking.)

“No. Just give me a minute here.”